I feel like some of y’all don’t really know me or that anyone knows the intimate secrets. So here’s five truths I’d rather deny than say.
1. It’s no secret that I am terrified of dying an old maid, but I still think I purposely fall for the unattainable to protect myself. I had some skeevy guys in high school mess with my self esteem, and while I still act like the girl who will someday love, I can’t help but feel like the girl who will die alone at times.
2. There has been a boy who has been “crazy” about me for years. He’s told me he’s thought I was the one since I walked into the doors on my first day of freshman year. He told one of his friends, “I’m gonna marry her,” before we even spoke a full year later. Despite doing nice things and proving everyone around me that I should give him a chance, I don’t. I still text him though when I need a pick me up in the form of “why” I am so amazing. I know I won’t probably ever let him in fully because I’ve seen him ignore his girlfriends for me (that I instigated), and because I have a hard time forgiving him after telling me I enjoy the chase more than I enjoy keeping people close to me.
3. My desires in grade school were to marry a nice boy who would become a nice upstanding pastor who would have at least six kids with me.I also wanted to be a marine biologist (love of the ocean and for Seaquest DSV), and keep writing. Writing has been my longest passion and I fear a lot about dying before accomplishing at least one published book. I still want to be a mother, and I want a beach house when I “make” it.
4. I hated where I was born for a very long time. It wasn’t until after traveling and “touring” that I eventually realized I loved every single thing about the city I was born in. It feels oddly good and comforting to listen to Bon Iver’s tunes (we are alumnis of the same high school/he’s helped my local art community so much). The clear water city has taught me that I’m never gonna break, even when I think I’m going to.
5. This summer was the most social I have ever been, and I really appreciate the growth it gave me because of it. I developed plenty of healthy small crushes on a few individuals, and I’m happy I met who I met this summer. I sometimes think giving up my job for two months was the dumbest idea I ever had because the following months where the poorest I have ever been, but I think I needed it. I came out of my shell, saw the grand old USA, and learned that a career in music wasn’t exactly what I wanted. But, it helped me meet all sorts of people—a few people impacted me so much that parts of their personalities have started to show up in the book that I’m writing. If I was asked to do this opportunity again, I would just so I could meet more people that help inspire me.
